Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
WARNING: This post is rather graphic and a little disturbing. Read with discretion
I was awoken by a boner and my ex playing with it. “Be,s&x tayo.” he said. I turned my back to him and we started
frothing fooling around. Potashet and hot lang! He still knows his stuff. When he was just about to dip it in, I said, “suot ka ng condom.”
“Bakit?” sabi niya, galit, “Hindi naman tayo nagco-condom dati ah!”
SIDEBAR: This, by no means, encourage anyone to practice unsafe sex. Personally, I won’t do it with someone unless I see test results that he’s clean. See post about this here
“Hindi na tayo, hindi ko na alam kung san na nanggaling YAN, kaya… condom”
He started laughing. It was a mean evil laugh. His eyes were gleaming and his laughter filled the little room. “Bakit, kala mo ba ikaw lang ang ka-sex ko dati?”
POTAH! Nagpanting ang tenga ko, “ANO!?!?!”
Dumungaw kami sa labas ng bintana, maraming dumadaan na lalaki. He started pointing at some of them, indicating who he has slept with, who he has bottomed for WHEN WE WERE STILL TOGETHER.
I was outraged! FACK FACK FACK!
We were screaming at each other now, I can no longer remember the things we said but there was a lot of anger, a lot of shouting. I was puffed up with indignation and outrage! How can he do that to me? And I was such a fool believing that in the 2 years we spent together, despite our many arguments and mishaps, we were, at the very east, LOYAL.
And now a year after we broke up, he slaps me in the face with infidelity.
I went to a very small closet and pulled out all of his shit and started throwing them at him. He was laughing madly, eyes big and ablaze oozing with meanness. His laughter was deafening
I was walking on a road, much like UPD’s Acad Oval, under one of the trees is Happy, she’s with her friends, busy with something I cannot recognize. With them is one of the guys I’m crushing on (Haha, I won’t name names na lang :p). He was sitting in one of the tree roots looking absolutely cute in the midday sun. I was just about to rant about what happened when there he was again, my ex. And this time, he was lying down with his head on my crush’s lap, being slutty and caressing my crush all over.
He was looking very mean and smirking at me.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I lost all control and pulled out my small bedroom mirror (I don’t quite know from where) and with its sharp corner, I started stabbing him in the gut, I stabbed him with all the anger, the hate, and the all the shit he put me through; for fucking up our relationship, for intentionally screwing everything so that I would be the one to break it off, for being such a coward. I stabbed him till his intestines were hanging out of his belly. As a final volley, I smashed the mirror on his head.
He was dead. But his eyes were still mean and they were still gazing at me. His cruelty will not end even after his death.
I hated him even more. The anger was just overpowering, it engulfed me completely.
I realized, then, that my ex was just made of cardboard. SO I tore his face off and with my lighter, I set him on fire. For a moment I watched as the flames lick his body and knowing that that’s only foreplay he’ll ever get now.
Happy, her friends, and my crush were there watching, and very much non-reactive.
I walked out on all of them
It was then that I woke up, my lashes glued together from the mascara I forgot to remove the night before.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Kapag nakakakita ako ng mag-jowang badaf sa mall, sa kalsada, sa sasakyan – kahit saan, bilang amoy na amoy naman sila at ang iba ay talaga namang mega PDA – nais ko silang harapin dalawa at sabihang, “Maghihiwalay din kayo! TSEH!”
Tikman mo ang pait!
Hindi sya maganda, alam ko. Sabi ko naman GUSTO ko lang gawin, hindi ko pa siya actually ginawa ever.
Wala ako nun eh; wala akong ka-holding hands, wala akong kahalikan sabay sabi ng "babay, ingat!", walang naghahatid sakin at lalong wala akong hinahatid, at wala akong kayakap sa gabi (minsan), malas lang ng taumbayan at may pagka-inggitera ako. Hmf!
Although, I'm pretty sure hindi ako nag-iisa. I am yet to meet someone who is single and can honestly say that s/he is perfectly happy being unattached and won’t have it any other way.
Wag ka nang mangahas na tumutol, tataas lang ang kilay ko at sasabihan ka ng “GIGI-ERA!”
For some reason na hindi ko alam, it is human nature to LONG FOR affinity and human connection. So tigil-tigilan na ang pagiging “I’m single and I’m loving it”
OK, impokrita ako, kase madalas kong sinasabihan ang sarili ko ng “Bakla, di mo kailangan ng bufra. Titi lang yan, di nauubos ang titi sa sangkamaynilaan, much more sa buong mundo”
Pero syempre, ang totoo nyan, katulad ng nakararaming bakla, e hindi lang nman titi ang hanap ko. Iba din ang sayang dulot ng may kapiling sa buhay, yung parang extension ng sarili mo, yung magkaroon ng lalaki na (or in our case, to be more specific baklang lalaki na) hindi ka iiwan magunaw man ang mundo.
SHET! Ang sakit lang sa ulo, kei!
The mere idea of finding that person is actually quite overwhelming. Jusko, e yun nga mismong kadugo mo na, minsan di mo matiis gusto mong talian ng bato at itapon sa ilog (joke lang family! I LAB U mwah!) e yun pa kayang taong hindi mo kaano-ano at ang tanging nagbibikis sa inyo ay ang napaka-ambiguous at hard to define na tali ng “pag-ibig”
May pamilya at may mga matatalik na kaibigan, pero hindi mo naman sila pwedeng maka-sex di ba? (eeewwww lang, although may ilan na may kakaibang “arrangement” sa mga maTALIK nilang kaibigan – ayoko pong maging judgmental, kanya kanya na lang tayo pagdating jan!) And aside from the sex part parang iba pa rin ang “romantic love”.
I don’t know, call me a hopeless romantic but I find it REALLY amazing: meeting a complete stranger and having a very strong bond with them that eventually you become FAMILY.
CHAROT! Nakakadiri, parang hindi ako! Ano ba yan!
Madalas kong binobola ang sarili ko na ang ganda ganda ko, na ako na ang baklang reyna na may golden Elizabethan gown, at hindi ko kailangan ng “King” to rule my kingdom. Pero alam ng mga kaibigan ko, at lalaong mas alam ko sa sarili ko na panggi-gigi lang iyon.
Kanina while having coffee with Lester and JR, nagtanong si Lester, “Kelan ba tayo magkakaron ng boyfriend, che?”
Hindi ako nakasagot.
Coz, truth be told, I honestly have no idea as to WHEN it’s gonna happen.
On one hand, who said that I gotta have a boyfriend immediately after I broke up with the last one? Well, having an immediate replacement sure has its conveniences, but I feel like jumping from one relationship to another LIKE THAT (snaps fingers here) is not really very healthy.
I think the point – or at least MY point – is that the important thing about coming out of a relationship is LEARNING from the experience and probably taking the opportunity to KNOW ONE’S SELF DEEPER (too profound for a catty, tacky, camp-crazy fag like me, I know, but well, there you go).
So, I’ve been single for a little over a year (one year, two months, and nine days to be exact as of press time – CHAR!). It’s a little sad, sometimes even depressing, but I guess that’s just how it is. Di ko pa naman siya ikamamatay so keri lang, hanap-hanap lang ng Rainbow at slide lang ng slide dahil masyadong masaya at makulay ang buhay para mag-dwell sa mga nakaka-depress na baagy.
Iniisip ko na lang, every day that pass by, I have to be grateful for having more time to reflect and look deeper into myself. Every single day that passes by is a day spent forging deeper bonds with dear friends and family who I may have scrimped on quality time when I was still in a relationship. Each day of unattached freedom is an opportunity to have fun, mess around, enjoy singlehood, make mistakes and learn from them. And most of all, it’s an opportunity to reflect on appreciating the value of a relationship so that when the right time (and the right person) comes, I’d be able to take care of it even better than the last time.
So yeah, di ko alam kung kalian ako magkakaroon ng boyfriend ulit. Maybe next week? A month from now? Maybe next year? Or maybe I’d have to wait a couple years more… (Slightly nakasimangot ako sa last option. Hmf!) All I know is, when the time comes, I’m sure I’ll know. And when I finally meet him, I know I won’t let the opportunity just pass me by.
So for now, magmamaasim muna ako, ki-kiyembot at magsisigaw ng “TSEH!” kaliwa’t kanan sa tuwing makakakita ng gay couples.
Sisimulan ko na now:
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Ada, bakit pati sila ay lumuluha?Dahil ba pag pumanaw na akoAy wala na silang pagtatawanan?