Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Things NOT to Ask a Gay Guy: My version

A friend posted a video on FB called "Things NOT to ask a gay guy"

The author of the video is this bundle of man-meat cuteness who goes by the name Davey Wavey author of Breaktheillusion.com and such wonderful and informattive videos as "My Penis is too Big", "In Bed with Pierre Fitch", "Sniffing Taylor Lautner's Balls", and "Having Sex Like a Pornstar"

His videos are sources of good mental exercise, I seriously suggest you check 'em out ;)

Anyway, back to the video:

I get these questions ALL THE TIME and I seriously feel that this should be included in some etiquette manual for straight people.

MY TAKE on the questions:

Who's the woman in the relationship

I'm sorry, dear straight friends, but this question is just plain irritating. I know that in YOUR world there has to be a man and a woman to make things work, but WE'RE GAY and if me or my partner wanted a woman, then we wouldn't be together now, won't we?

Now for most cases, breeders use this question as a polite way of asking about us, gay people's sex life. If the answer above does not satisfy the breeder, my patience (along with my decency) goes out the window so I just blurt out:

So basically, you just wanna know who's fucking who? who gets to have a hard dick up his ass? in short, who's top and who's bottom?

At which point, curious breeder cringes and the conversation ends.


Squeamish nosy breeders!

Are you attracted to me?

Well, no one REALLY asks this question. BUT sometimes, I do get a feeling around straight guys that they feel that since I am gay, I am attracted to all men. Davey answers the question very nicely and logically.

Personally, I feel this assumption/question is insulting so I prefer to answer it in a way that is equally disconcerting:

I'm gay but it doesn't mean I'm out to suck every single dick I can get my hands on. I do choose which dicks to suck and I prefer one that is attached to a person who would suck back.

So when did you decide to be gay?

To which I reply:

When did you decide to be [insert adjective here. choose from any of the words below based on the subject]?
  • Heavily disfigured
  • Obscenely fat
  • Distinctly malodorous
  • As smart as a spoon

Aren't you worried about AIDS?

I actually had a friend say this to me, but in a more caring and "let me remind you" kind of way.

To answer the question. Yes. I am. Very much. I worry about it ALL THE TIME.

And you should too. :)

How do you know you're gay if you've never slept with a woman?

Davey's answers are smarter and wittier. Me, I'll just cringe! haha!

The retort, "How do you know you're straight if you haven't fucked a guy yet?" would be MOST awesome. I should practice that line and throw it at random to homophobes. hahaha!

So there BREEDERS! I love y'all but you have to stop treating us like we're freaks of nature and that YOUR KIND are the "norms"

I'm not sure if you've noticed, but we're everywhere. And I actually think our number's large enough to rival yours :)

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