I signed up in this social networking site called MGGFF, it's tied in with The Manila Gay Guy blog and that's like supposed to be a "safe haven" for closet cases and other readers of the blog.
Anyway, in a forum, Migs posted this question:
Search deep in your heart, and ask the question: am I really enjoying the fact that I am single and unattached? Why, or why not?
The answers were supposed to be used for one of their fabcast so it's pretty useless for me to respond pa.
Anyway, it got me thinking...
If someone asked me this question a few months or so ago, I must've plucked their eyes out and burned their tongues with a flamethrower.
Coming from a relationship that ended not-so-nicely, it is of course, painful to admit that, after more than 2 years of being attached, I am suddenly SINGLE.
Masakit, tangina! (Hahaha, oo may kasamang mura.)
When it all came crashing down, I felt like I was tearing away 2 years worth of effort, memmories, and, well, invested emotions.
Maraming ala-ala (not to mention gamit) na kailangang ilagay sa baul balutin ng packaging tape at ilagay sa pinakamadilim na sulok ng bodega.
What I realized, though, later on is that para siyang multi-level radiculopathy (na naging sakit ko a year or so ago, read my very first few blogs for reference)... hindi na mawawala ang karamdaman, pero unti-unting masasanay ang katawan mo sa sakit hanggang sa makalimutan mo na siya
Am I happy NOW?
I wouldn't go as far as saying that I am "happy and contented" (to use one of my ex's FB status messages)
But I am, at the very least, getting used to it.
My friends, family, and career (if you can call it that) have been keeping me on my toes. And it feeels good that they no longer serve as distractions from being broken hearted.
I've stopped having sex with random strangers as well. It's been over a month now and I guess that's a pretty good indication that my progress is doing well.
I'm fixing my relationship with myself and finding happiness in the little things that life brings me everyday.
So am I happy? Not quite yet...
But I'm getting there.