Sunday, April 25, 2010

Kwentong Booking 007: Repeat Booking a.k.a. THE CONVERSION

He was probably one of my first few bookings.

We first met a couple of months back in a spur of the moment invite.

He was not handsome nor cute. But he wasn't bad looking at all. Actually, he has a pretty charming face. Nadala na din siguro ng katangkaran nya.

But he's fat. As in fatter than I am pero hindi pa naman kadiri level of fatness.

Pero kahit na hindi check ang vorta niya, he makes up for it with an equally FAT schlong. As in, bakla, ang hirap hawakan. As in makabali ng panga... as in SODA CAN


As in ang unang pumasok sa isip ko "Punyeta paano ko to pagkakasyahin!?!?!"

Needless to say masakit sya!

HAHAHAHAHAHA

After a few minutes, bumunot sya. I never thought na mapapasuko ako! GRABE! Umayaw talaga ako. AS IN!

After washing up, and a few minutes of rest, he was at it again. This time, he was the one on his knees and, well, giving good service.

He seemed to really enjoy it... Well, at least I know I did! hahaha

Sabay nagpasabog si bakla. "Na-try mo na ba maging top?"

PAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKSHEEEEEEETTTTTTT

* * *

FAST FORWARD to last Thursday, 2 months after the encounter...

Nagtext si Soda Can Boy...

Of course, nagkita ulit kami...

And nagkaroon ng repeat performance ang sayaw na hindi naman part ng aking repertoire!

Para akong Filipiniana dancer na pinipilit mag breakdance. Nakakainez!

Pinagbigyan ko naman. keri na rin yun. Pero napagod ako! I swear! And in a way na hindi masyadong satisfying...

* * *

ANOTHER FAST FORWARD to Sunday (3 days after the 2nd encounter)

Nagtext si Soda Can boy:

"I've decided to become a bottom."

Me: HUWAT!?!?!

"Ewan, kakaiba kse nung &^*% mo ako and nag^%$ ako. Sana top ka na lang kasi"

Wait lang nahilo ako...

What's happening to the world?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Everything is Alright

Today ito ang aking soundtrack:


Ang sarap lang niya talaga pakinggan.

Ang gaan sa tenga.

I can see myself lounging at the beach listening to this song...

Nakahilata sa isang hammock sa ilalim ng lilim ng puno ng mangga at umiinom ng melon shake na may gatas...


At sa di kalayuan ay may isang pulutong ng mga hunky gorgeous men.... naglalaro ng beach volleyball

Or minamasahe ang aking mga balikat

Habang ako'y pinapaypayan...

Haaaaaaay fantasy island!!!


O siya makinig na lang tayo, ito naman, take 2, live version:

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

KABOG! KABLAG! Lady Gagita spoof of Telephone

Ito ang buhay na patunay na sa kabila ng kahirapan ng buhay e walang pinapalampas na oportunidad ang kabaklaan!!!

Hndi ko alam kung maiinis ako sa mga baklitang to...

On one hand:

Ang sarap nila sabunutang pareho, kurutin sa singit at ilublob sa drum ng tubig! Ke-bata-bata e ang haharot at ang lalandi! nakuha pang humiram ng panty at bra sa kanilang ate! hahahaha

On the other:

Nakakabilib ang resourcefulness at creativity ng mga baklitang ito! kahit na nasa kung saang bundok sila at sa kubo lang ang set e talaga namang go lang go at kuhang kuha nila ang energy ni Lady GaGa and Beaowulf!


one thing's for sure! Naiingit ako at naunahan nila akong mag spoff ng Telephone!

TSE

Calling all becky yuppies!!! Friends, let's volt in and do our own Filipino middle class version of Telephone!!!

WINNAR!

NEW MUSIC: Ellie Goulding's "Starry Eyed"

I'm just so in love with this song!

The video... um... not so much.

But the whole sound, melody, mix and tempo i love.

It's just so light, happy, fun. exactly what i need right now :)

Listen to it:


Oh, oh, starry eyed Hit, hit, hit, hit, hit me with lightning  Handle bars, and then I let go, let go for anyone Take me in, and throw out my heart and get a new one  Next thing we're touching You look at me it's like you hit me with lightning Ahhh  Oh, everybody's starry-eyed And everybody goes Oh, everybody's starry-eyed And my body goes Whoa oh oh ah ah Whoa oh oh ah ah Whoa oh oh  So we burst into colors, colors and carousels, Fall head first like paper planes in playground games  Next thing we're touching You look at me it's like you hit me with lightning Ahhhh  Oh, everybody's starry-eyed And everybody goes Oh, everybody's starry-eyed And my body goes Whoa oh oh ah ah Whoa oh oh ah ah Whoa oh oh  Next thing we're touching (x8)  Hit me with lightning  Oh, everybody's starry-eyed And everybody goes Oh, everybody's starry-eyed And my body goes (x2)  whoa oh oh ah ah (x3)

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Ah, yun pala ang Jejemons!

Ahhhhhh

so this was the video they were all talking about...


Hahaahahaha!

yeah down with the Jejemons!!!

Ooooh and someone from FB tagged me in this also, pretty witty ah!


And just look at all the anti-jeje shit on the net:


I swear if we hire an intern who types like this I am so going to hurt him. Kung babae I will cut her hair and burn her alive!

This is the best:

hahahaha panalo!

winner ang Jejecap!


hahahahaha

The snooty fag in me is rolling in laughter!! hahahahahaha

Kwentong Booking 006: Bonggang bonggang Bday Booking PART 2

CAUTION: This is a very graphic entry. If you know the author personally, please refrain from imagining things and/or doing visualizations. It's gross. If you do not know the author, then please be reminded that he's totally hot! hahaha.

Again, read at your own risk. Bastos sya. PRAMIS

NOT SUITABLE for deeply religious people, homophobics, virgins, and people with good imagination

* * *

I've been putting off writing this entry coz, well, I dunno how to write it without being bastos. hahahaha!

So I was on my way home from an unexpected pre-bday booking (read entry here) he filled me up just right but aside from an awesome tool, his performance was... well... daisy!

Tamang tama, while on the bus, Mr Dream Boy texted me: "pupunta ka pa ba sa bahay?"

SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTT He totally made my ass leak! hahahaha joke!

Matagal ko ng pinapangrap sa itong si Mr Dream Boy. Kasi naman noh, sobrang gwapo niya! As in almost kamukha niya itong baklitang to:


SERYOSO PRAMIS!

Same chinito eyes, same shape of the face, same sweet smile... mejo mas mabuhok lang si Mr Dream Boy

Tawagin niyo na akong Ambisyosang froglette pero seryoso, ang gwapo lang nya talaga.

Kaya naman nagulat din ako nung nagreply sya sa mga messages ko at niyaya nga nya ako pumunta sa bahay niya.

So wala ng patumpik tumpik pa, kahit na hindi ko alam kung paano papunta sa subdvision nila e rampa ang beauty ko. (madali lang naman pala puntahan)

When I saw him in person, he was much shorter than I imagined him to be (maliit pa sa akin ng konti) and his face is a bit more scruffy and his hair is bordering on looking like it came from some anime.

Pero the fez... mmmm the fez is REALLY something!


And from his blue shirt, I can see hints of shoulder muscles and pecs. PERFECT!

His house was a studio-type rented room... hindi shalan, but pretty decent.

Pagkapasok namin, pagkalapag ko ng bag, wala ng patumpik tumpik pa. parang Adonis lang, shunggalan na ng kulambo!!!

POTA!!!

SHEEEEETTTTTT

Hindi lang pala siya gwapo! check na check pa ang vorta!!! as in!!!

Sobrang check meron sya nung V na chorvamae:


He's a bit more hairy but it was well groomed and it's not kadiri thick (like most guys)

LABAN NA TOH!!!

I'm bringing out all the tricks in the bag and he was a very receptive audience!

I was gonna give him my signature and no-fail trick until.... BULAGA!!!


MAY ANACONDA!!!

SHET Pwede ng pang Corbin Fischer! o di kaya pang Freshmen!!! Bonggang bongga, parang inukit lang sa kandila!

All I can say was.....


Well, let's just say... he was totally getting into it! hahaha

I looked up he's already putting on some gloves.

In my mind, I was like, "Shet, ang bilis ni kuya, this is gonna be a quick one"

BOY WAS I WRONG!!!!

Let's just say I did a Lady GaGa


And sung "Lovegame"


I was driving the stick shift pretty well until, all of a sudden, I was thrown from my seat and found my knees folded and, amazingly pinned down!

Well, let's just say, he really knows how to ride... and he showed me all sorts of ways on how riding is done!!!


My hands were a bit idle SO i just grabbed his... back.

SHEEEEETTTT!!!

Can I just say they were baked to perfection? plump, perky, meaty, and FIRM!


May glutes! PANALO!

But he was a bit controlling; he grabbed my wrists and did a D&G at me:


AY LAVET!!!

Gusto kong bumulong nga "huwag po... huwag po..."

I can tell that he's a very generous person seeing as how much he enjoyed giving! Again and again and in ways i did not think humanely possible!


And all the while his hands were working some disco magic as well:


HOMAYGAD! I can't do my tricks anymore! All I can do is be Ruffa circa 1990's and say "Take it! Take it!"


And para syang sharp shooter, hitting the bulls eye all the time! Let's just say he was HITTING the right notes


MY GULAY it was so mindblowing (literally)!!!

Actually, half-way through, I can't help but go Krakatoa


BUT, he did this thing to kinda put a stopper on my test tube.


And while he was squeezing what's left of me, he was doing a panday and kept on punding it like a rock!


Grabe

...

as in

...

Grabe

After what felt like 2 hours, he stood up and I thought tapos na.

He went to the bathroom and took a short pee.

When he got back, it was like, parang we were starting all over again!!!

SHEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTT Naloloka na ako!!!

He was at it for what felt like another 30 mins.

He was very creative with his craft and showed me this


And this


And this


And this


And a lot more of the shit here that I can no longer find witty pictures of

And all the while, still with this


and this


I felt I was about to go crazy!


I thought I was gonna have a big phenomenal O, pero parang said na said na ang gonads ko... nasabi ko na lang... "she... shet... di ko na kaya ulit..."

It wasn't until then that he took the baguette out of the oven and poured what felt like a bucket of cetaphil.


Shet I felt so debased!!!

AND EYELAVETT!!!

Alam mo yung tipo ng sex na isasalya ka sa pader at gagamitin ka na para kang hindi tao? Yung tipong hahalinghing ka ng "huwag... huwag... ugh" pero talagang gusto mong sumigaw ng "SHET POTA SIGE PAAAAAH!!!"


SHET sya yun!

As in shet talaga!

That boy sure knows how to use what his mama gave him!

SHET!

Project Runway report: crazy ass hardware challenge

One of the interesting things about project runway is that they take the word "design Challeneg" too seriously and throw in bat shit crazy challenges.

Like the one they had a couple of weeks back (which I just saw over the weekend). They took the designers to a hardware store to come up with something... i dunno... nice and wearable!

Here's some of the crazy shit that the designers came up with:


THE TINGGA BATHING SUIT!!!


And see how it looks from the back:


One more look:


Hahahahahaha!!

But some are actually great like what Amy did:


This was made of sandpaper:


Not bad, right?


Jay's design is the winner:


It's made of garbage bags and it turned out really nice.

Look at the details:


And the braided belt (also made of trash bags) is also nice:


This is one I LOVE:


I love the jacket, it's so GaGa-ish.

The Jacket is made of wire and the dress is made of screen:


And the neckpiece (Made of keys and screen) is just lovely!


I want one!!!

Commuter Cutie 010: ang unang contribution

I'm so proud!!!

Mayroon na akong Commuter Cutie COntributors!!

O di ba ang bongga!

Dahil ang katotohanan naman po, lahat naman tayo ay mahilig tumingin sa gwapo...

Not to mention, karamihan na rin naman sa mga gwapo ngaun e namamakla! wahahahahahaha!!!

SO!

mula sa mga mapanuring mata at camera ng isang butihing kaibigang itatago na lang natin sa pangalang Bayogers, ito ang napulot ng kanyang selepono!


In fairness! ang gwapo ni kuya!!!


Mukhang mabango at Class AB! o di ba? mas benta kesa sa mga Papa na napupulot ko sa MRT!?!?! hahahahaha

Lavett!!!

kaya kung kayo ay may Stalker tendencies din, aba e gora at ipadala ang mga larawan sa akin!

mwahness!

Open Letter to Globe Broadband


Dear Globe Broadband,

I wanna start off by saying: PUNYETA KA!

With that out of the way, lemme take a step back and say sobrang wala kang kwenta.

It's been a week and hanggang ngaun e nuknukan pa rin ng kupad ang internet connection namin sa bahay!!!

Nagbabayad kami buwan buwan sa inyo, bakit nuknukan ng bulok ang serbisyo?

Kung umabot ng isang buwan na sobrang bagal ng internet connection, kelangan ko pa rin bang bayaran ang P 1,000 ++?

Hindi ba sa isang restaurant kapag hinainan ka ng pagkaing may ipis ay karapatan mong magreklamo, papalitan ang pagkain o wag bayaran ang inorder mo?

Bakit sa Globe Broadband, kaming mga customers niyo na ang agrabyado, kami pa ang walang magawa kapag kayo ang pumapalpak? Bakit wala kaming proteksyon sa pangit na serbisyo?

Sa amin sa Penshoppe, kapag ang customer ay hindi masaya sa nabili niyang damit gawa ng kapalpakan namin sa paggawa nito ay pinapalitan namin ang binili nyang damit.

Bakit sa Globe Broadband e nakatali kami ng 2 taon kahit na ayaw na naming ituloy ang paggamit ng walang kwenta ninyong serbisyo?

Kani-kanina lang ay tumawag ako sa customer service hotline ng Globe Broadband. Isang babaeng nagngangalang janet ang sumagot.

Pagkatapos ng routine verification ay tinanong ko siya, "Hi Janet, we've been experiencing REALLY slow internet connection for the past week and I just wanna know why is it like that?"

Ang sagot ni Janet ng Globe Broadband: "We do apologize for the inconvenience. Right now po, the system is undergoing maintenance. Rest assured po that our technicians are monitoring the progress in your area. With that sir, is there anything I can help you with?"

NAKAKAIMBYERNA!!!!

Sagutin ba naman ako ng template answer!!!

E ciempre, may follow-up question ako: "Ok... hanggang kailan ganito ang internet connection? Kasi ang tagal na nyang ganito kabagal"

Sagot si Janet ng Globe Broadband: "We do apologize for the inconvenience, sir. Right now po, hindi ko masasabi kung hanggang kailan coz the system is undergoing maintenance. Rest assured po that our technicians are monitoring ----"

Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko, so I cut her off: "E yan din ang sinabi mo sakin kanina eh. Hanggang kailan ako magtitiis sa ganito kabagal na internet connection?"

Inulit ni Janet ang sagot nya, "Sir, we do apologize for the inconvenience. Hindi ko po masasabi kung hanggang kailan coz the system is undergoing----"

Hindi ko na siya pinatapos, at hindi ko na rin napigilan ang sarili ko, "YOU"RE USELESS!"

Sabay bagsak ng telepono.

PUNYETA!

PUNYETA TALAGA!!!

Globe Broadband, sobrang hindi ka na nakakatuwa. AT pakiramdam ko po e nasasayang lang ang isang libong binabayad ko sa inyo buwan buwan. Pinasasakit niyo lang ang ulo ko.

Sa mga empleyado ng Globbe Broadband lalo na ang mga technicians, engineers, at mga customer service reps, sana po ay magpatiwakal na lang kayong lahat dahil wala kayong silbi pare-pareho.

Yun lang po

Oliver Loyola

GLEEking out!

HAHAHAHA This totally made my morning!!!:


Cory Monteith giving us what, he thinks, is a "showface" hahahahaha!!!

this is funny.

Watch the entire trailer of the 2nd ep of glee in their Facebook Page

Nakakainis di ko napanood ang 1st episode ng 2nd season last week. hmf!

But now I found a torrent!!! and I can't wait to watch it!!!!

The amazing Idina Menzel is gonna be on the show and she looks absolutely HOTT!!!



AAAAAAAAAAAANNND they have a new BOY:



WHATTACUTIE

But wait, there's more:

My beloved:



is GONNA MAKE OUT WITH IDINA:


STEAMY!

OK, so isa pang SHOWFACE:


Hahhahaha.

According to Idina's character:

Now, that, guys, is a showface. You wanna look so talented it'sloterally hurting you.


AND THIS WEEK it's THE MADONNA EPISODE!!!!

CHIKIDAWT:


EYELAVETTT!!!


There was an error in this gadget

Spread the Beckyness!

LinkWithin

Blog Widget by LinkWithin