Monday, June 1, 2009

On mourning


Pinapagalitan ako ng isang kaibigan nung isang araw.

Namatay ang Daddy ng boyfriend ko. Bakit daw hindi man lang ako magpakita ng konting lungkot.

I know a lot of people have faced loss, one way or another. I am one of them. 2003 ng pumanaw sa isang bayolenteng engkuwentro ang tatay ko. One would assume, that in this case, m eof all peoplle, should know how difficult it is to lose a father.

Subalit, inaamin ko naman, may punto siya. In a move that is so unlike me, hindi ko sinabi kahit kanino, maliban sa nanay ko, nang na-stroke ang Daddy ni Christian noong Lunes. Nagsabi na lamang ako kinaumagahan ng Miyerkules ng nalaman ko ang balitang pumanaw na siya.

Pero kahit noon, di ko naman pinakita sa mga kaibigan ko o sa kahit kanino na apektado ako. I never felt it was a necessity to put my heart on my sleeve.

Unlike some people I (painfully) know, I do not use my life's misfortunes and grief to ask for attention. Pitty is the one thing I seldom ask from people.

I've shed my own tears, I admit. I, after all, am a human being feeling (what I would assume) the whole spectrum of human emotions. However, those who know me well, know that I do not show grief publicly. I believe I didn;t even cry when my father died; not during the wake, not during the burial.

People thought I was cold hearted, that I hated my father even up until his death. I don't care what they think.

Ako si Oliver Loyola. Bakla. Makulay. Malandi. Maingay. Mahilig tumawa. Hindi nauubusan ng kuwento at kabastusan. Mataray. Masamang magalit.



Hindi kasama sa role ko bilang si Oliver Loyola ang umiyak at magdalamhati.

Whatever has transpired between Christian and I during this whole ordeal is only for the two of us.



Though I will say this, what's more painful than being so loosely judged is the fact that we are apart when I should be there beside him, holding his hand.

2 comments:

  1. atleast u have this positive outlook that no matter whats going on,you cant let it affect you.and maybe u are naturally a happy person and that is good.

    condolence to your bf

    ReplyDelete

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