Saturday, May 2, 2009

REVIEW: X-Men Origins: Wolverine

WARNING: This entry contains spoilers and some images that might be NSFW

Personally, I felt like it was a big pppffffffffffffffffttttttttttttttt

As in bleurgh! It's so craptastic I can't find proper words to rant about it

The only things that made this movie bearable are:

1. The few glimpses of Hugh Jackman's ass

2. Several shots of Hugh Jackman's HOTT HOTT HOTT bod

3. Several shots of Hugh Jackman half-naked

4. Hugh jackman wearing slinky tops roaring like a sexy, sweaty, and totally hunkalicious mad man

5. There's also the treat of seeing Ryan Reynolds half-naked (hairless this time!), and staring at Daniel Henney's lovely smile (Keng, kilala ko na kung sino siya! hehe)

6. Oh, and have I mentioned that Hugh Jackman has got a HOTT HOTT ass? (even when he's wearing denim pants!)

What I think about the movie:

1. I've seen better story lines from Pixar (actualy Pixar DOES have GREAT stories and they are always well told. simple but well thought of)

X-Men has a very compelling story that has transcended the years and have made it relevant no mater what decade it's being told. Wolverine has one of the most touching stories as well! But you can barely feel the pain.


They were laid out as if to tell the viewers that: "okay, this happened first, okay, that's done, then the next scene is this, and then this, and then this..."

There was no flavor, no elaborations on themes like the growing moral conflict in Wolverine when he joined Striker's team, no color in how significant his relationship was with THAT girl, or how difficult it was for him to live a normal life seeing the many complications of his condition, the anger, the sorrow, the heartbreaking discovery of finding your loved one killed...

The snippets of Logan's life were laid off as if you were just looking at album photos... It's just so bland, there's no build up to it. What a way to massacre a good material.

2. I've seen better action direction and action scenes from Die Hard.

I never felt that Die Hard was not a "stroy movie". People watched it because of the testosterone/adrenaline-inducing action scenes. Wolverine tried to acheive some bigness in the action scenes (like Wolverine taking down a helicopter - yuck! so Van Dame - or the attle scene on top of the nuclear reactor thingy) but failed.

The most disgustingly cliche scene was when Wolverine ignites the gas trail leading to the helicopter; they go to long shot of Wolverine walking away from the helicopter, so cool as if he's having the time of day, as the helicopter EXPLODES as if several bombs were planted in the vehicle! ARGH so Antonio Banderas in Desperado

3. "The Never-ending Story" had better Visual effects!

Okay, that's an exaggeration BUT for it's time, Never-ending Story has great visuals! X-Men Origins' effects, on the other hand, were poorly executed!

The quality takes us back 10,15 years ago in the era when chroma backgrounds were SOOOOO noticeable you'd think they were doing back projections. And the CLAWS! man! There's a scene were Wolverine kind of plays with his claws in front of the bathroom mirror and they look so ROUGHLY hewn; as if hindi na dumaan sa finishing touches.

And what's with turning Patrick Stewart into mad Botox face? Really! I think he looked more bloated than young...

It's REALLY disappointing

4. The Direction was really poor.

Just compare it to the past X-men films: Bryan Singer did a fairly good job with the first 2 installments. Bret Rattner did a bang up job for The Last Stand (probably because he has better material?). But Gavin Hood's job was just ugh! kadiri!

Gavin Hood's directorial resume includes (from imdb):
  1. Rendition (2007)
  2. Tsotsi (2005)
    ... aka Thug (International: English title: literal English title)
  3. "W pustyni i w puszczy" (2002) TV mini-series
  4. W pustyni i w puszczy (2001)
    ... aka In Desert and Wilderness (International: English title)
    ... aka Stas and Nel Adventures (USA: informal English title)
  5. A Reasonable Man (1999)
  6. The Storekeeper (1998)

I have no idea what these films are and I did not care to research. Point of the matter is that his take of the potentially million-dollar property of X-Men Origins was just oh so sloppy!

The scenes were so "tableau-ish" I can imagine him giving directions to Hugh Jackman like: "Okay, Hugh, concentrate on moving all your facial features towards your nose, spread those arms like a vulture and growl like you're an animal"

Not to mention, all the stuff I mentioned earlier all boils down to the director.

That among other things... well, it REALLY made the movie corny...

That being said, I just want to say the I loved the cast (with the exception of Taylor Kitsch as Gambit and Lynn Collins - who the hell i she? - as Kayla. Kitsch is a bit too weak when put side by side the other cast members and Kayla was just oh so fug for Hugh Jackman. Hugh Jackman looks so much prettier! haha)

Oh, and have I mentioned that I totally loved Hugh Jackman? (hehehe)

But that's just me. How about you? How id you find it?

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