Sunday, April 26, 2009

Tales from Beyond the Closet, Part 3: Pagdadalaga

I first had my man-crush when I was, I think, in 4th grade.

He was our class president and platoon leader (whatever you call the elader in boyscout), I was the section's muse (joke!). There's nothing so special about him, aside from the fact that he's got the leadership award in the bag. He's definitely personable and charming but he wasn't much of a looker. I remember looking at his photo at a bulletin board and saying to my friend "mas maganda pa ang ilong ko sa kanya (I've got a better nose than him)".

But the one good thing I remember about him is that he's got this perfectly shiny and straight hair. Back in 1994/1995 in my school, this Nick Carter hairstyle was all the rage and he's got it down to the last strand.

I guess he was a bit of a twink then too. I remember he got picked on by a lot of the guys (he even cried once) because some of the boys discovered he was wearing bikini briefs (which didn't become mor epopular until a few years later).

I honestly can't remember now why I liked him; probably because he was popular (?) but it's all lost to me now....

All I can remember are the embarrassing details moments of my burgeoning fabulosity!

We didn't talk much, but I remember gushing about him to my friends... We would all get kilig and then share stories of the other queens who's got their fangs bared my direction and are drooling all over him too.

Like most men, everyone was territorial, especially the little Miss Gays who's got their claws perfectly filed and ready for some action. There was around 4 to 5 gay groups (parang Spice Girls lang) then who had their own Queen and their entourage.

There was the notorious volleyball queen, the topnotch whiz kid (who's also gunning for the top bitch of the playground), there's a couple of other motley crews and then there was me and a bunch of friends.

Each and everyone of those queens were all after the same guy. Looking back now, the trashy catcalls during recess are all very laughable and petty.

Things got to a fever pitch in 5th grade when the volleyball bitch was caught doing the durrty. It was a shock in several levels: 1. who'd know a queer at the fresh age of 11 would be THAT advanced?; 2. We're in a Catholic school, sex is shocking enoughm but gay sex? It got the parish priests head spinning; 3. they were caught doing it inside a tent during our camping trip; 4. he was doing it with batch bully!

saya di ba?

Keri lang naman, until whiz kid bitch got his dirty hands all over MY boyscout...

My friend called me at home on a Saturday morning to report that boyscout and whiz kid were getting real chummy in some weekend class (MTAP I think, which I never went to)

Then the loyal subject reported that he heard whiz kid asking my best friend about me

Furthermore, whiz kid asked my best friend to tell me to stay away from MY boyscout!

I wasn't able to restrain myself and blurted outloud "AY naku, wala akong pakialam kung anong klaseng relasyon ang meron sila ni boyscout at whiz kid. Wag niya akong idamay sa panglalandi niya ng lalake no!"

Right after that my father and mother wnet up to me and said, "Anak, bakla ka ba?"

Natakot si bakla!!!

"Hindi noh!"

My father grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me hard, "Tumigil ka na ng pagsali-sali jan sa choir na yan!" He drew a threatening finger right up to my face and shouted, "Ikaw pag naging bakla ka, papasagasaan talaga kita sa jeep!!!"

Need I say more, convincing naman si itay...

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